When we hear about goal setting, we usually think of setting up “S.M.A.R.T.” goals: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.
This is a good principle to learn about, especially when you are trying to make new, sustainable changes in your life. However, a lot of people still struggle with sticking with the S.M.A.R.T. goals they make. Why is that?
Because S.M.A.R.T. goals only work if you have a healthy and balanced mindset - meaning that your goals are based on self-care, self-compassion, and motivation that is flexible and understanding! Once you have that mindset in place, it’s easier to achieve your version of success.
Keep in mind success will look different for everyone because we all have different genetics, unique personalities, and ideas.
The more we hold onto success having one single outcome, the less we are actually focusing on the right purpose for ourselves!
What does this mindset shift look like? How does that help me to achieve my own goals?
Let’s dig deep below:
If your goal is pushing you to criticize or punish yourself, it’s not the right goal for you.
Self-improvement is NOT the same as self-criticism. Self-improvement is focusing on what makes you stronger, and that we deserve to achieve more, despite knowing that we are humans and have flaws. Self-criticism is solely focusing on the mistakes and flaws we have, which makes us feel not worthy. I always think of a teacher who is very encouraging and supportive, versus one who only focuses on what you do wrong. Which one do you like more?
Another example that is common among my clients is: losing weight = becoming healthier. Sounds familiar? Because we are constructed socially to view weight as the culprit of all health issues. Weight is not an accurate indicator of health, and I will talk more about this and the Health At Every Size approach in an upcoming blog post.
Instead, ask yourself - WHY do you feel like you will be healthier when you lose weight? What does health look to you, if you disregard the weight factor?
Does it mean having more energy? Better sleep? Feeling less stressed? Enjoying food with satisfaction and trusting your body that it will take what it needs? Loving how strong you are? Having fulfilling and meaningful relationships with others? Having access to basic healthcare, food & safe living situation? Because all these things affect your health status collectively, regardless of your weight.
Anyways, to finish my point, reflect on the goals you have set and check if your intention is focused on self-improvement and self-care. Make sure they don’t come from a self-criticism standpoint!
Take small, realistic steps.
Small steps count, but you have to be realistic about it. A lot of us use the “all-or-nothing” mentality because it views any mistake, even a minor one, as a failure. But in reality, no one and nothing is perfect! Even if they look good on social media, this doesn’t mean they actually have a good life. Reflect whether or not your expectations for yourself are realistic, and if they are not, then consider how you might adjust them to be more realistic. Use these questions to help you be realistic but still hopeful:
Am I viewing the situation as black and white, when it’s really more complicated?
Am I basing my thoughts on facts or on feelings?
What is the evidence for this thought? Could I be misinterpreting the evidence?
Am I having this thought out of habit, or do facts support it?
Is there another way of looking at this situation?
Once you know you are setting realistic expectations for yourself, then it’s easier to determine a small step, leading you closer to the overall purpose. Lastly, make sure you celebrate these small wins because they are still successes!!!
It’s OK to have setbacks. How to move forward next is key!
Life is not a straight upward curve. It often includes many setbacks along the way. How you handle setbacks actually has more impact on the outcomes of your goal.
People who assume they will encounter obstacles and make plans to overcome them tend to be much more successful than people who assume success will come to them easily. In fact, things often go wrong for reasons beyond our control. Being hopefully realistic is to find ways around obstacles, instead of seeing them as insuperable.
How to move forward after experiencing setbacks from reaching your goal?
Take a break - give yourself some time to reflect if you are pushing yourself too much. Adjust your goal if needed.
Know that it’s a learning process - no one nails something the first time they try. It’s all about knowing yourself better and paying attention to your thoughts and actions (AKA practicing mindfulness).
Ask for support - talk to your support system. Sometimes you need a fresh perspective to give you new ideas or solutions. Keep in mind your support system has to be empathetic and understanding, not critical!
Like I said earlier, I am not here to downplay the importance of goal setting. I am here to preach that letting go of our extreme sense of control and all-or-nothing mentality will help us shift our mindset to focus on true self-care and be realistic about our journeys.
Health and wellness is not a one-way street, just like life. It is a journey that takes continuous practice, reflection, and adjustments.
